Somewhere Inbetween...

Do you ever get the feeling that your life has paused between key frames in a film. You feel blurred, in motion from somewhere to somewhere. But for the moment you are paralyzed, and you can't see who you were a moment ago or who you're going to be when the motion ends.

I've been feeling that way yesterday and today. I numbed my mind last night with all the stuff I use to distract myself from myself, but felt horrible in the morning, like I always do when I'm like this. The morning usually brings a little clarity, but only a little.

In the night I was in the shower and decided to shave my face into a new shape. I was going for a kind of Buffalo Bill look, but I think it came out more like a prison inmate. What I was really thinking was that I wanted a real Van Dyke, like I was a character in a Rembrant painting. The goatee is too round though, and I was too chicken to trim the sideburns higher and more pointy. So it became Buffalo Bill, or more realistically, prison inmate.

So I'm I shot the photo, and it was very blurry. I didn't want to set the camera up again, so I just photoshopped it until it looked lookable. And now I have to try to figure out how on earth I can teach the kids something tomorrow.

PS - This is what I have been listening to this evening.