More me.
Today my head is a pinball machine, my attention the ball. It's all sound and fury, but if I don't let it run like this I'll be fighting a panic attack. I've started lots of things this morning, but the only thing I've finished is folding my laundry. I'm terrified of going back to school tomorrow. My kids are supposed to be ready to start the editing process on their personal narratives and only one in ten of them is going to have written it.
About 70% of my kids are going to fail this trimester. I can't help but feel like I've failed them. And I feel bad about it because I feel like I've done about the best I can and it's not good enough. I've never realized my inadequacies as a teacher like I do now. I don't think I'm very good at it.
I don't have enough patience, and I don't understand why they can't do the things I can do easily and have always been able to do easily. I don't have a high opinion of my capabilities. I haven't since high school. So the fact that I can do most of these things without trying, when I think I'm no great shakes, makes me feel like there's something really wrong with these kids.
I just don't know how to get them to do what is expected of them. Either they just don't want to, or I've failed. It's hard for me to believe that the whole lot of them but for a few are ok with failing and don't care about the future, so it's easier to believe it's my fault. I don't feel like there's any objective way of determining the truth of the situation, so I'm kind of stuck feeling awful.
One thing I'm more certain of than ever. I don't think it does much good to have compulsory education. I can't force anyone to learn anything, so for many of my students school is like training prison. It's just a place they're confined to before they get started on the real thing. I've already had about 10% of my students get started on it because of drugs in this trimester alone. From what I can tell, about 25% more just haven't got caught yet.
6 comments:
Hey Mike, It's Karen (Dickey). I was so glad to find your blog. So I gathered that you are living in SLC teaching something...good for you! Sorry your students are so frustrating. Like you said, though. Compulsory learning is really quite silly for those without desire to learn. Not a reflection of you, though, so try not to think of it that way. (I know, easier said than done.) I hope you're doing all right...I've been wondering about you so I hope it's okay for me to check in and see what you're up to. Sorry for the very long comment. ;) Take care!! Love, Karen
So, Mike, how did the class go that you were dreading? Were the kids really as unprepared as you feared?
BTW, that facial hair makes you look like and Irish biker.
Peter
OK, this is your mom. It's high time for me to comment on your blog, don't you think?
How about an update? How was Thanksgiving? And I echo Cami's question. Were the kids really that unprepared when you went back to classes?
I'm sure you are a better teacher than you think you are. Hang in there, and smile whenever you can!
Mikey Mikey Mikey!!! I just wanted to say Hi. I am sure you are a wonderful teacher!! Keep updating!
Amy
Ummm... it's really frustrating for me everyday when I check your blog and you haven't posted anything. Hope all's well - love you.
Hey I am gonna make my blog private so send me your e-mail address and I will add you. amyernstrom@yahoo.com
P.S Come on Mikey UPDATE
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